All of our sads. The followup.

Or the in between or the random excessive explaining further.

Again, it's not the actual abuse that is doing the majority of the damage. Yes, it hurts, it's bad, it's unwanted, it leaves scars and it shouldn't be. But for a kid whatever happens is just what happens. They have no other references, reality is in the making. They are building up a world from what they directly experience. They adapt to their environment so it will hurt the least, while still accepting everything as normal. Unless told different. And that is where anyone can make a difference. Really all it takes is just to tell the kid that something is wrong with the abuser. They won't love it less. They probably won't act any different. But the damage will be different. Everyone learns from others that pain is their own fault. A kid will kick the wall, hurt its foot and will blame the wall for the pain. It takes others to teach the child that the pain can't be blamed on the wall.
Staying silent when a child gets hurt by something not their fault is the same as actually inflicting the pain. While I can find excuses for the abuser (yes, I know it's also what I got taught by my mother, but there is a huge difference, since my mother was in pain too (I don't try to excuse the bad, just trying to give the explanation why it was more difficult for my mother to get out of it)), I have yet to find the excuses for everyone else. Stupidity and ignorance should never be an excuse.
The difference between you-are-getting-hurt-because-you-are-bad-because-you-exist and you-are-getting-hurt-because-someone-is-a-bit-sick.
I been struggling all my known life with the idea that something is really rotten in me. Something that has to be punished, terminated and killed. No matter there wasn't anything logical in what my mother wanted from me (from my point of view), silent outsiders taught me that my mother was right and I was badbadbad.
I don't know if I worded this right, I'm tired, sad and angry. So maybe I come back to this somewhere.