and I'm not sure that is good or even how to get it back on.
Whenever I have nothing to do I just go random waa. Thoughts drifting.
drops of rain mix with
tears of unknown origin
they say it's summer
I don't even know what I waa about. Is it the whole thought of my mother being kinda maybe bitsy evil. That I lost something that I can't get back. That maybe some things can't be fixed. Or just I need to find the balance back. The right perspective, the right frame, law and order, the map with the big arrow that states: You are here.
Maybe I once again lack patience. I don't like it things like this takes this much time, effort (not to mention not liking that it might be permanent). I hate being like this. I hate things being unclear. I hate it even more that I can't seem to fix things myself. Or that my way of fixing is just not permanent enough. So I don't want to patch it up till I'm sure there is no other fix. If that even makes sense.
I have odd bad pains everywhere, I sleep like crap, I have horrid chase-dreams most of the night, I can't get drunk enough anymore. I blame all and everything. There is something I miss, something I cannot see. I know it's there. It has to be there (do I sound desperate? Maybe I am).
this is it
they named it life
it's just passing time
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