It's all fine and dandy to just describe things. This is my past. This is me. This is where I am broken. This is what I want. Since I still can keep a certain distance. But then we get to points where conclusions have to be turned into changes and everything is wrong and nothing is ok anymore. And I go confused from all mixed signals from within.
Don't talk to what happens at home, other people have no business with that. Like hell I will talk. I'm an adult. Why shouldn't I talk about it. It keeps me busy and off the streets. This is my life. And what a life it is. Talking will only show people how silly you have been. You always have tried to play victim, and people will see right through that. If only you would put all that effort into being a good kid, none of this would have happened. But I really tried to be good. That doesn't matter no does it when nobody can see you did good. Do you think I like to be forced to be around you and see how everything gets ruined by you. But.
And then yes, I did break things, I did steal candies, I did lie, I didn't listen, I broke the rules. And it all stops again. I can see how we both got to certain bad points. I can see how it was me that kept triggering all her bad sides. It doesn't seem to matter she shouldn't have gone triggering all over the place for each silly mistake. I know I was wrong, because I was there. It doesn't matter that my wrongs didn't really justify the reactions, they were still wrongs. So yes, I can just talk about it. I just can't do anything with it. Since either way I feel stupid and silly. From it-wasn't-really-that-bad to I-did-this-to-myself to where-two-fight-two-are-wrong. And then we have to add in the child-parent relation and positions shift, and I turn into this pile of guilt. If you hit your parents your hand will grow out of your grave. Gawd the end of Carrie was shocking *hides* And I feel silly for feeling guilty for just trying to figure this out and discussing it with people. And I feel silly for blaming myself for it all. And I'm just not sure pinpointing the more correct views will change those silly feelings of silliness, not to mention having no clue how to get there.
One of my mothers favorite sayings was: Just act normal, then you're doing crazy enough. And I think I have been kicking that stupid saying since I left house. This is normal me, want to see what my crazy is? Here have some. I can decide for myself now and you all *points* will not be able to stop me or hurt me for doing so. And likely that's the only one of the many favorite sayings of my mother I've been fighting for real. Silly. Silly. More silly.
nuts, she pointed out
grow on hazels or my mom
consumed either way
Don't talk to what happens at home, other people have no business with that. Like hell I will talk. I'm an adult. Why shouldn't I talk about it. It keeps me busy and off the streets. This is my life. And what a life it is. Talking will only show people how silly you have been. You always have tried to play victim, and people will see right through that. If only you would put all that effort into being a good kid, none of this would have happened. But I really tried to be good. That doesn't matter no does it when nobody can see you did good. Do you think I like to be forced to be around you and see how everything gets ruined by you. But.
And then yes, I did break things, I did steal candies, I did lie, I didn't listen, I broke the rules. And it all stops again. I can see how we both got to certain bad points. I can see how it was me that kept triggering all her bad sides. It doesn't seem to matter she shouldn't have gone triggering all over the place for each silly mistake. I know I was wrong, because I was there. It doesn't matter that my wrongs didn't really justify the reactions, they were still wrongs. So yes, I can just talk about it. I just can't do anything with it. Since either way I feel stupid and silly. From it-wasn't-really-that-bad to I-did-this-to-myself to where-two-fight-two-are-wrong. And then we have to add in the child-parent relation and positions shift, and I turn into this pile of guilt. If you hit your parents your hand will grow out of your grave. Gawd the end of Carrie was shocking *hides* And I feel silly for feeling guilty for just trying to figure this out and discussing it with people. And I feel silly for blaming myself for it all. And I'm just not sure pinpointing the more correct views will change those silly feelings of silliness, not to mention having no clue how to get there.
One of my mothers favorite sayings was: Just act normal, then you're doing crazy enough. And I think I have been kicking that stupid saying since I left house. This is normal me, want to see what my crazy is? Here have some. I can decide for myself now and you all *points* will not be able to stop me or hurt me for doing so. And likely that's the only one of the many favorite sayings of my mother I've been fighting for real. Silly. Silly. More silly.
nuts, she pointed out
grow on hazels or my mom
consumed either way
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