Knowledge is all?

I'm not sure that I feel guilty or if I'm just sure that I am. To be precise I don't feel all that much. There's facts mostly. And since I usually just accept facts for what they are and find a way to not let them bother me much, I don't see how that would change anything for me. Would it really make any difference in how I act and react now if I would change that stance? I don't see it. But then again, apparently there are many things I don't see.

According to my standards I am not a good person and I am guilty. And again according to my standards that don't mean shite. You don't need to live like you are. You can always choose. Which is where I probably fail regarding to my past. I still think I had options, I could have done things different and I didn't. It is not relevant that those options were limited and that I wasn't an adult. It is not even relevant what other people did. Guilt, fault, words. I wasn't what my mother wanted, even though she might not even know that that was the message I got. And I can't blame her for that. I can say she's guilty of trying to force me into that something she wanted me to be. Both are true. Neither makes me feel anything. Facts again. What or how should I feel about my past. I really don't know.

Stuck. I don't know. I don't have a clue. I don't believe some things will change, I don't know if other things will have to change, I don't know how to change certain things, I don't know if it will do any good (or bad for that matter). Maybe it's because I don't know how to feel certain things (probably what miss therapy would say), but they just don't seem to exist. The lack of aggravation is also the lack of emotions whatsoever, which I think is fine (since I'm actually at ease at those moments).