Or bad me, for not able to handle. Maybe I shouldn't have started with such an overdose of outside and people. Maybe I overestimated myself again. Or maybe still all I want is just to be normal and hence I keep forcing myself to do all the things I think are normal. Like being around people. And I can't stand them. They are shallow and selfish, irritating and stupid and they are driving me nuts. Not that I think I'm any better, but at least I don't go outside to annoy random people with dumb questions and not-even-remotely-funny-remarks. Or so I hope. I don't know.
Yes it would be nice to have some more sun, no I don't know when it's high tide or if you can swim right now, yes this is a lovely place (even though mostly for you since I have to stand inside listening to people like you and smiling and nodding my time away), now go away please so I can go back pondering where I went wrong in my life.
Or what went wrong. Assuming something is wrong. Assuming other people know what to do when they encounter the same people again. I noticed it's too hard mostly, I can't get through all the chitchat people wade through before they reach some common ground where you can in some way relax together and talk. I lack patience I think. Or don't know, I lack something others seem to have. Or maybe they all scream inside too.
words like drops of rain
tumble to the ground, mostly
to make it muddy
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