I'm not suicidal, the same way as I'm not an alcoholic. It is just an option. Always. Somewhere in the back of my mind. Although drinking is repeatable. And sometimes the thought gets so much more enticing. Why not end it here now. What's left to do but just endure endless new days. Some things will never change.
Maybe life is just a matter of faith, believe. And I don't believe in anything I think. There's things I know and there's things I know I don't know. A higher cause, a meaning to it all, an omnipotent being. I just can't believe.
And maybe I have to believe in something to make going on less tiring. Maybe that's the stupid key.
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