Meds, yay?

Day one:
Slight nausea. Weird empty stomach feeling all the time. Took meds at 8am, six hours later something is feeling exhausted but doesn't feel like it's me. Might be residue from trip though.

Day two:
Bit nauseated, but not constant. Feeling bloated. Tried to sleep early last evening, I think I managed to fall asleep before midnight even (so that's less than 2hrs lying awake! Yay?) and think I actually slept till 6. Day seems to keep stretching ahead of me. Tired, very tired, but still doesn't feel like it's me. Thinking goes very random. Short term memory failing. But still feels like everything is happening outside me.

Day three:
Slept crappy. Kept waking up. Nausea as good as gone. And the word I was looking for yesterday is unheimlich. Am more detached than usual. Don't know if that's good or bad or a side effect. Not really tired, although not feeling like I want to do something or more not bothering if I should do something. And in a way I'm slightly bothered that things aren't bothering me directly, while not even bothered about that even.

Day four:
Test with beer wasn't good or bad. Slept same crap as before. Losing weight again. Not sure about anything. When I do something I just want to sleep. When I try to sleep I am wide awake. There is no meaning. Actually spending most my time in bed.

Day five:
Weird dreams. Most the time feeling half asleep, half awake. Thoughts stick and then become highly important, luckily they get replaced by new thoughts fast. Not to mention I seem to have thoughts overlapping, don't know how to explain. Like two different things pop into mind at same time. Disturbing a bit. Also weird urges to take more meds. Losing time at one end, while still time passes incredibly slow at the other. Don't know how I slept really, since it felt like I was awake most of the time.

Day six:
Blah. Should get out for groceries. But can't get myself to it. Haven't left house since monday. Still weirdly distracted and unfocussed.

Day seven:
Couldn't sleep. Pain is eating me up.
The fog has lifted a bit though, which I assume is good. Except for the craving of painkillers today (which I didn't dare take, curse you evil apothecary for scaring me) seems okay. Still feeling restless and inactive both. And I guess at one point I have to leave house.

Day eight:
'Oh that can kill me' thoughts drifting by. Not real thoughts, just softly bouncing at the outer boundaries of my mind. Restless a bit, still detached.
Gave up trying to sleep. So tired.

Day nine:
Tired.

Day ten:
Very reluctant to leave house. Don't know why. Feeling okay though (as long as I don't have to leave house *hides*). Started alphabetizing books finally. Also, taking a beer now, I can't handle more hours of lying awake.

Day eleven:
I think we're okay.
Hum, we're slow with interaction. Like my brain keeps shutting down in the middle of sentences. Which should annoy me, but doesn't.

Day twelve:
Still not sleeping well. Waking up all the time.

Week three:
My dreams go more and more disturbing. Actually screamed out loud this night, while unable to get out of the between-wake-sleep part. Will try to change medtaketime to before sleep in coming days.
And nausea came back after I took meds three hours after 24hrs. Will try two hours tomorrow.
Also these meds are great antibooze, got utterly sick after I drank more than one beer and puked my brains out.
So tired. Didn't help I couldn't sleep till after 3am and had to get up early to make chocolatecake. Don't want to sleep now since I want a normal night of sleep for once again.
Feeling crappish, remind me next time to not change time in 3hrs interval. Luckily tomorrow should be at the new right time and there's still hope I sleep better if I take them before sleep.

Week four:
Sleep still bad. But I think I feel less tired during day.
Hum yesterday felt really nontired. Today kinda tired again. Maybe because I made long day at bookshop yesterday and didn't sleep enough really. Had troubles falling asleep again and dragged myself out of bed at 7.30. Resisting urge to nap, so maybe I sleep better this night.

Week five:
On and off sorta tired. Still not sleeping well.
Hum, shrink wants me to take higher dose. 15mg instead of 10. *ponders*
Okay, a day in Boekerij tires me sorta. Also the not being able to do something for more than about 15mins starts to annoy me.

Week six:
Tired and actually falling asleep during daytime past two days again. Maybe I have to stop overdosing on energydrinks.

Week seven:
Went from 10mg to 15mg and feeling tired all day. Thoughts come and go, sorta sticky come and go. I think thoughts of slaughtering people, killing self and blowing up buildings are getting a bit on my nerves. So I guess I have to wait a week to see if it gets different.

Week eight (I think):
Losing track of time once again. Tired still. Going outside becomes more and more weird.

And def lost track of time now. Have the feeling I'm on this since forever. But have to admit I do feel less tired during day. My nights seem okayish and I'm painfree since like forever too now. Soon will try 5mg, if I get shrink to fax recipe for 10mg tablets. At this moment on 7.5mg and feeling good.