Nothing new

I don't know.
People tell me I should look past the time I set. The time I will have to stay sorta sane and sorta socially acceptable. And I don't understand. Somehow I have trouble understanding they can see for themselves where they stand in a few years (besides the people who finish study and/or have certain ambitions regarding work, career, family-planning). And all of them just take an aspect (I aim to overthrow my boss and get his job, I want to finish my degree, I want to have x amount of children).
What life will you have in five years? I don't think they have it all sorted out. So how can they tell me I should set a goal for after what I aim for? I don't know. All I know is that I will have to stay sorta okay for the coming four years. Yes, I want to have a meaningful long-lasting relationship with someone that loves me with my flaws and worships all good parts and have a few children to waste earths resources even more. But I tried that and failed. So if that's not it, I will have to take care for the kiddo I managed to bring into this life and after that there is some huge void and I have no fecking clue what I want, will be.
Oh, I want so much and at the same time so little. I want peace of mind, nobody that bothers me, sit at home without responsibilities for anyone but myself. I mostly laugh at people that mutter and curse they have to do something while they don't have any offspring. Really, who cares. What does it matter you didn't vacuum the floors, didn't get groceries, didn't manage to get in bed before midnight. Course, you get dirty floors, have to live on whatever you didn't run out of and have trouble waking at 7am. But still, who's gonna tell you that's bad? It's just you that might make it difficult for yourself. The world will keep rotating, the sun will still set. So can I have my little dream of being able to just let it all go when the time hits kiddo is old enough to live on its own?
I don't know. Maybe I go nuts and kill three innocent bystanders while mutilating the clerk that doesn't understand I want to have something settled right now and not in three weeks, maybe I go utterly depressed and hang myself, maybe I just sit happily on my balcony musing over how fast kids grow and that finally I have time to invite those two studs and have a wild weekend. I just don't know.
Again, all I know is that till that time I need to not do all those things and do the right stuff. Which I've tried (and somehow managed for a bit) for the past fourteen years and in all honesty I'm getting fecking tired of doing the right things all the time. 'No, it's not allowed to grab that idiot and beat it senseless with a blunt object.' 'No, it's bad to set fire to that government-building no matter that there's at least a dozen people the world can do without easily.' Choices, choices.