Answers lead to more questions. Always.

I need to distill symptoms from a normality.
I do go places and people. I just don't want to be around most people for more than a few hours. Something inside me goes scream that I've had enough. That I don't want to keep up holding the social facade anymore. That I want to tell people what I really think about them. That I don't care their kids can play the piano better than Mozart or that it was fun watching the toddler playing with the neighbor's dog. I don't care what a friend or foe has said or done to them. Most of the times. I don't want to tell people the petty little lies everybody exchanges each time they meet while we all pretend the world is a happy place. The world is not a happy place. It's chaotic, wild, beautiful, stunning and mostly better seen on discoverychannel, but it's not happy. Man eats animal, animal eats man and we all eat the silly plants who can't run away.
I don't care really how people do, I can listen to it if it can tell me who they are, what their drive is, how they see the world. I need people to react to what I say, answering questions from their point of view, raise new questions for me.
Most people just don't think. They don't know themselves. They only know and act according to the social guidelines of this culture. How can I ever handle a relationship with them beyond the chitchat. Or rather how can they handle me when the relation evolves which automatically turns me into this blunt object that tells them where I think they went wrong. I mostly think I shouldn't do that to people. But not telling people how I think about things means I can't have any relation beside the chitchat. And since I'm not really interested in that, what good would it be to have those. I don't think that will change. I've lost a lot of people over the years. All of those either didn't like the way I was blunt (or honest) or I couldn't handle talking to them anymore. Since I had the feeling I would only alienate them if I did. I can't see where that is a symptom.
I have to accept the fact that maybe I am wrong there. Maybe chitchat is actually the glue that holds any reallife relation intact. Something that is not needed in netrelations. Or less needed. I don't know yet. Yes, I'm very bad in keeping relations intact that need a daily or weekly chain of reactions and are not online in any form. But since I believe friends don't need that, they can go on at the point where they last met/saw/talked I don't see how that is a problem.