Hum, hum and more hum.

I need to sort this out badly. And it seems I can't discuss it with anyone, since everyone is as clueless as me.
I need to know what the meds do. We've taken them for about three weeks, rather obedient (ya we tested +booze too and wasn't a success) and I felt different. Urges to actually go do things. Not that I had a clue what exactly but just do something. Which is a change. For as long as I can remember I've always done everything that needed to be done and for that reason only. Sometimes not even that, slacking with things I should've done but just didn't since I couldn't make it urgent enough. And now we're off them for about four days and we're back to before these meds.

Do I have to conclude that I have to accept the diagnosis?
Does the effect of the meds prove that I am depressed or would it have same effects no matter what?
Since there is no way to test that we need to either accept or not accept the diagnosis in order to decide whether or not to be treated for it.

Which needs some answers.
Are you depressed when you try to commit suicide? If so, I have been.
Or well maybe that only needs one answer.
If I have been depressed at those times, how likely is it that I have been depressed more? Or how likely is it that it's something chronic?