Normality and reality.

I don't think there is a normality. It differs with culture, time, people. And culture is more tradition than anything else. We've always done it like this. Which brings me to the point where I don't want to be part of that normality. Since basically it sux donkeyballs.
Because everyone is saying it, doesn't make it right (by Avil M. Beckford apparently). Which can be applied to doing, thinking, whatever.
Am I wrong for not really wanting to belong to mankind. Is it a symptom. It is connected with the always present feeling of not fitting in. I am human, therefor I'm part of mankind. But I don't feel very human when I see how other people act, react, think. Mostly I just watch and feel a slight ting of amazement. Or I get angry. There's no logic in them. No long-term view on anything besides getting a raise each year or a promotion in four, a big holiday when the kids finally left the house. No eye for any details. Or even the most basic thing: Action = reaction.
I try to do things the way I think they should be done. But it's mostly not the way the majority seems to do them. So why shrink thinks it's saddening that I don't want to be part of that. I think I'm old enough by now to be able to see where avoiding certain social life will lead me to. To more of how I've lead my life for a long time now. I am not lonely in the sense that I miss any of the contacts lots other people have. I feel alone but I don't see it as the outcome of staying inside most the time. Since I can go out and socialize, I just don't want to. Loneliness is a state of mind and comes from the feeling of not fitting in anywhere. If I would go socialize the way people seem to do I just end up feeling more lonely, since I don't fit in.
And I don't see how that can be fixed, besides brain surgery (which still is an option *hides*). I don't feel I fit in because I don't fit in. I don't think there's more to it really. The problem with that mostly lies in the fact that I'm human and humans are sheep. We thrive in flocks. Being part of the herd. I so wish sometimes to just be part of the herd. To stop thinking and be like everyone else. Yet, I cannot be. Since I think. I can pretend. Once in a while. But it's not real. I don't have much illusions about myself. I won't change the course of any events. Nor do I have that ambition really. The sun will still set when I die, the earth will still keep rotating. The only difference I made to this world really is having offspring, which might breed on more and might raise more people into how I think things should go. I can't even say if that would be good for mankind even.
I am made by my past. If my mother had made different choices in how to react to me I might have become a different person. But that's only whatif and doesn't change anything. I am sorta happy with what I've become. I think. Since I think in most ways I'm still realistic or logical or both. I know some things won't change. It would be great if some of the things are less tiring to do and we still have hopes that those are part of this depressionthing so they can be fixed. I'm not too sure though. Change is mostly painful and tiring, but we can also hope that is a symptom.