I'm getting old or slow or both.
We're also high from meds. And I should probably stop with these meds. They're not making me sleep better, which was the reason for taking them. I think.
I'm not sure what part of my brain is affected, or parts, but my short term memory is kinda collapsing as we speak. I get weird moodswings now, even after medeffects are supposed to be gone. It takes an hour before I think the meds are making me feel odd. Not tired (or more tired, since we're usually tired), feels something flu-ish, like my brain is in fog or we're totally in fog.
Also stupid meds reduced being coherent some more.
I start to feel like my own guinea pig now. A bit nauseated. Hard to concentrate on anything. Hard to order any thought.
But! The memories. The therapist that I've had talks with the past two months made me feel so uneasy and frustrated and it took me this time to figure out why. It's not because he's stupid (well, I guess he is too), it's because he reminds me of my mother. Whenever I got into his room I had to start checking the room, for changes, for escaperoutes, for whatever that made me feel uncomfortable. And it didn't make any sense why. Every question made me tense and paranoid, I kept reluctant to answer anything.
It didn't seem to matter what I said, he never seemed to acknowledge it, every new talk I got questions that I had answered before. Then I finally figured it out. Therapist never asked the questions he wanted answered. Instead he asked something sorta related and then tried to get the answer he wanted from that answer. When he asked how kiddo was doing he wasn't really interested in how kiddo was doing, he wanted to know if I was still able to take care of her. Which might be some smart therapist thing, cept I go weird from that stuff. So he got weird from me not answering straight and I kept feeling there was something wrong. Every part of my brain kept screaming the full time of those talks: "What he wants from me! What he wants to know! I don't know! I don't care! Let it stop!"
Somehow that is not very good for a healthy therapist-patient relation.
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