Does this mean I have to change my view of the world?

Again?
And the way I look at myself?
Again?

The world went from a scary place to a confusing place to a saddening mistake-repeating place. Which might not be really weird steps or end conclusion.

No, I have to get back. I started (or well, for what my memory is worth) trying to be good, to do things that would make my parents happy (I guess) and kept failing. I ended that whole episode knowing I was no good. Also not caring anymore, since apparently that's what I was.
And while I didn't care anymore I slightly changed to knowing I was insane, nuts, mental. Since it was me in a psychiatric hospital and not the others I thought who were a bit not sane. So I could actually fill in the weird missing pieces of the puzzle. Of always talking to fast, remembering insignificant details nobody knew anymore, different lines of conversations I kept track of and people kinda looking odd at me since they lost those tracks ages ago. All the things that somehow other people didn't have (excluding course me being bad and everyone else being good). I was insane! Joy to the world. And to me, since clearly insanity was something I couldn't help being. Also being no good perfectly fit in, since well, they can.

I really wasn't unhappy with being insane. It certainly made life more easy.

And then the stupid one time relation therapy session. Hum, I was 24 I think? And the therapist (which I knew from the hospital before) dropped the odd remark about my iq (which I think is a totally odd thing to label people with). And feck it. So I went through all literature I could find about iq, tests, scales and whatsnot (why I can still claim it's an odd label).
So, no good and insane wasn't covering it all any more. I had to add in being well a bit too smart (on some scales at least). And that was troubling enough. Some of the weird things did fit better now, but I had nobody who I could discuss this with. I tried, but usually ended up with them calling me arrogant or something similar. Apparently it's a bad thing to compare talking to 'normally' smart people with how 'normally' smart people relate/talk to a bit retarded people. While I still think it's like sorta how I view most other people. I certainly don't think I'm better, just most people confuse me very much, by not following my logic or not understanding things that to me look very clear.

But I managed to add it in. And sorta function and keep up with the world. Also it helps being less smart! Booze and the natural decay are good factors.

But. Always that but. Through the years I did manage to form a sorta neutral stance about the role of my parents. Varying from well they did with best intentions, they didn't know how to change the bad spiral down, they overworked, tired, I wasn't easy and any other excuse I could conjure for them. And so far most the people around me kinda strengthened that idea of well, it wasn't all nice for you, but look it wasn't easy for them either. And you managed quite well, so it's all good. Shouldn't live in the past. It happened so long ago.
Which kept me knowing still that I am no good, insane and a bit too smart for the world.

We're back to either accepting we're depressed or not. And I might have to accept that according to the med testing I have done so far. Yes my mood or stance or whatever changes dramatically whenever I haven't taken meds for about 3 days. Not that I have personal objections to just cocooning my time away with souvlaki or bejeweled, but things still have to be done and it's just not going to happen when I'm without meds.
Sooooo, if I have to accept I am depressed, I might have to accept I'm depressed since, err well as long as I can remember, having tried to commit suicide when I was 12 or so. And accepting that I am all that I should maybe change my neutral stance towards my parents.
I managed to drag out of shrink yesterday that I maybe need anti depressants the rest of my life. Which I wasn't ready for! And also, shrink wasn't very neutral or nuanced when I mentioned a bit of the role of my parents. Which kinda struck me bad, since somehow my whole stance on that is totally excused out. And he didn't follow those rules I had secretly set. So mentioning child abuse, physically and mentally, struck a bad nerve and I been waawaa ever since.
Being not good in whatever way is so engraved in my being that I don't know how to get out of it. Since it IS more easy to accept that you are no good than that your parents are no good.