How did I miss this

The whole reading part in my histories.
I once had that fully theorized as the cause of everything. Something that was stronger than my mother. The impossibility to obey her on that.
Maybe because it was too obvious for me that reading is, hum dunno word, part of me doesn't cover it. My gravestone should probably just have: Reader.
At one point I was so scared of ever going blind that I spend time to get into a braille course. I'm still angry that they didn't allow me to learn that being not blind. Whenever I can't read or focus enough to read I feel something is wrong with me. Something deep inside. Waa! I can't read. Why I know something is still not right, since I can't bury myself in a book anymore. I have to read in intervals. Or maybe that's just part of being old.
And I'm rambling. How did I miss this? Does it all make more sense if I had added that? I'm not sure. Is having something so strong inside you as a child common? I have no reference. I know other children had hobbies (I guess you can call them that), but those were accepted by their parents as being a good way to waste time with. Was my reading so consuming it had to be suppressed instead of motivated? It might be. I didn't really weigh the consequences or rebel with that on purpose. I just had to read. If I had nothing to read, yes I would steal something to read. I would put it back after I had read it though. But I had to read. Something, anything.
I hid books everywhere. The hiding places in my room were quite limited and my mother used to find each book, but still I tried.
Hum.
You are not allowed to read in your room.
- I did.
We take away everything readable in your room.
- I bring readable things to my room. I try to hide them. I deny I have anything.
Not only did I do something that was forbidden, I lie and steal for it too. And I do it on purpose too, well knowing it's bad. Hum hum. Since my mother didn't count that huge drive to needing to read. She couldn't or she didn't want to recognize it. Does that make my mothers fighting any better?