Kiddo and me, how so symbiotic?

Yes I think I have to consider my level of stress is correlated to the level of stress from kiddo. I don't know the other way around.
Looking back to everything regarding my attachment to kiddo is basically fear to repeat mistakes of my parents (in other words, we have to watch carefully about not breaking it). So stress, anxiety, frustration from kiddo goes 1:1 directly to me. Specially if I can't seem to fix it or soothe her in some way. I'm not sure this hyperdrive stress I am in works her way through kiddo and she goes more waa from it. But I try to restrain it in every possible way I know. Which in return means I'm totally incapable of doing anything or make decisions not related to kiddo.
At this moment I think being around me isn't the most healthy for anyone unstable, yet I also think that with me is the only place kiddo can be right now. Which makes up for a lot of stress, since I feel I'm not competent enough, while also knowing there is no frecking place for her to go.
I don't think kiddo is ready to be without me yet. Not really willing to explore the possibilities of me alone. So thoughts of me killing us both once in a while are entering again. Indeed that would end it all while I still have fulfilled my obligation to look after her till the end.
I can't handle not being able to fix her very visible pains, I have to keep reminding myself this is probably a phase connected to her change in hormone levels while she's growing up. Tiring. Also if she is somewhere a bit autistic (unacceptable from her point of view though, but still open for me) the whole hormone/body change might need more care and attention than I can give her. Since we're basically clueless. I work from my memories and detached feelings how I should relate to her but it goes harder the more stress I have and the less references I have.
And yes, apparently I am very stressed right now. I am trying to control this, getting heartbeat lowered each time I notice we're back in hyperdrive, but going through all these memories and trying to fit in feelings isn't making it less stressful either. I do feel however I have to get past this to be able to be around functioning for kiddo till she is ready to live on her own.

If I had known pondering things regarding my parents with miss therapist would cause this much panic I would have skipped it for now. Since I also can't handle not understanding my own reactions, so I have to rethink, reponder, refigure it out to fit everything back in the whole picture. I honestly thought I was past some points and could actually talk about it and see it neutrally. Going in a state of panic (and to be honest, never really left it after past thursday) makes me wonder. Either I just buried it, or I went in stress because relation with miss therapist develops so I feel less need to control everything or I'm regressing in a badly pace. I know I am broken in some ways. But I also thought I had bypasses for most and just went frantic because of last relation that was eating me up. We hate change. It takes so much time to adjust, but we get there. I thought I was getting out of it, but the panic and stress from last two weeks have proved me wrong somehow (I don't like it!).