How things happened, why things happened, what I am, how I work.
The obsession with the process behind something. My brain won't rest till it has a plausible explanation, till new facts pop up that have to be fit in. Endless.
I think if I know the process I know how I can use it or understand it or change it. And I somehow never get there and get stuck all the time at the part that it's human. And humans do illogical things. It doesn't make more sense that way, but sometimes I can sorta let it rest after that. Whenever I react illogical I can usually trace it back to the start, unless I get all distracted by meta reasoning.
I never really wondered why my brain follows the patterns it does. But now I feel I have to. I need to sort out up to what point I might be slightly autistic or how my brain either found ways to compensate and hide autistic behavior or how my brain thinks now is about a good time to start having them. This is wrong. I'm either slightly (or a bit more) autistic or I have autistic behavior (for whatever reason). We will get back to this!
Up to what point is kiddo having the same. The idea never crossed my mind till a few days ago. No matter I stored up all semi odd (well, not that I recognize non odd, so everything I found funny I guess) behavior from kiddopast. And I'm not so sure if my interpretation now isn't colored too much by the idea she might be slightly autistic.
Why do I need to figure this out?
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