No rest for the wicked

Reread blog again, to try not repeat past events. Yet I somehow keep talking about sleep and my mothers role in that. Smells like something important. Maybe it is because I have never been able to avoid sleeping in a bed. Once I get used to someone being in the same bed I sleep better, better than sleeping alone. When being stressed my bed starts to be a scary place, yet I am so tired (maybe I should buy a couch) all the time. Hum is that the thing that makes it so hard to fall asleep at nights? Daytime I have way less troubles of sleeping. I think we're past the peak of stress now too, since I'm able to control it more, I seem to have succeeded in installing a volume controller. Makes testing way more easy. Need ponder.

There is something. I don't feel anything when I talk/write about events, but I think I do get stressed if I think about them. I R pain. My hips are burning. Maybe after all I do feel something, I know all those memories are there. Just waiting and whenever I talked to someone about it I just dug up the ones I had dug up before. So they are just stories. I can't recall I ever told all. I mean, it's not the most fun to listen to (I think), I don't want to tire people and there are so many other things you can talk about. It just haunts me when stressed, but I usually function. Maybe the major freeze and stress at and from therapist was really based on not wanting to go there. Since thinking about digging it all up is making me a bit stressed right now.