Waa and wee

Stupidity rules this world. Really. I don't even want to mention the silliness I almost daily encounter (whenever I go out that is). On bad hairdays I flee home as fast as I can and moan at people. On good days it doesn't even amuse me, I just fear nothing will ever change and history will keep repeating itself. Mankind doesn't seem to want to learn.
That YOU don't understand something doesn't mean there is something wrong with kiddo. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Just pointing out over and over there is something not right with kiddo doesn't make that statement valid. She's trying to grow up in an hostile environment from her first schoolday and you wonder why she reacts the way she does? Grow a brain please. If you think she is depressed, go blame yourself and fix it. Sprouting out surmises without giving any ideas about how to fix the things YOU claim are problems aren't really helping in any way. Repeating that there is a problem doesn't make us magically solve it. WE are aware YOU have a problem with something. WE don't see it that way, kthnxbye. I don't feel any need to fix something because you see it as problem. I feel the need to smack you with a blunt object, but at least I am smart enough to not bother you with that feeling. Yes, we're totally aware kiddo doesn't react the way you are used to and that anything that you are not used to triggers you into thinking there is something wrong with the one that triggers that reaction. Apparently YOU are too stupid to see that it might be YOU. I have to live day in day out with a kiddo that YOU stressed out and at the same time have to protect that same kiddo from not going totally mental because of YOU while I still have to stay polite and understanding to YOU. I am happy with the basic idea that if someone isn't happy with something they should try to fix that. They should not try to force others to change so they can be happy. You either accept that something is like it is or you change either that thing or change your view on it. I'm really too fecking tired to just comply to your whines I have to fix something so you can be happy again. I don't care YOU have that need to label something you don't understand, that YOU don't know what to do, but please don't make that into MY problem. It isn't. It's yours.

But! We found the name for our hallucinating and be fine.
Also totally distracted by other discussions so will fix this part tomorrow.
Apparently there are lucid dreams. I always knew that the way I was dreaming wasn't unique, I just never ran into the wording of it or the working theory. I just did. Since I was never being able to sleep until my parents went to bed but still had to not move a muscle, I just let my mind construct the memory, thinking up stories, making connections and whatsnot. My mother was a ninja I guess, fixed on hearing every sound so I would know when my mother was sneaking up on me to catch me doing something bad, I still couldn't hear her move. If I had changed position after my mother had closed the door for the night she would automatically assume I had done something wrong. So I spend hours lying perfectly frozen till I would hear them going to sleep. Hours that I at one point used to control my dreams. Knowing that I was dreaming, being able to wake myself from those dreams, being able to influence the dreams. Also never really bothered thinking more about it. So my daily napping and dozing off increased the lucid dreaming apparently. And I had to find the relevant info since the weird hallucinating parts got me scared. But! Happyhurr. It's all part of it. So I tried to get into that state on purpose yesterday, which was amazingly easy. Hallucinating that way is really funny. It started with hearing a song from Eurytmics, not me trying to sing it, but hearing it like it was playing for real. The falling was great, like I always imagined free-fall from parachute-jumping would be (yes, I still had that as secret wish to at least once try it). The sleep paralysis, the really seeing things with closed eyes (I don't see anything normally when I close my eyes, I can't get pictures in my head), everything was there. All my dreams that contain me flying always had that pain and frustration that I couldn't really get far enough from the ground, not matter how hard I flapped my arms, but now I could feel my arms flapping while still being aware they weren't really, and we flew so easy. The first few times were a bit scary, since I didn't know if I could wake myself from this, but I so totally can! I managed to increase the time of it. Lots more testing to do. But this was so great I still fluff rethinking it.